How to pick up a Punk Rawk chick (see also riotgrrl)...

Go to garage shows
Bands that play exclusively in garages and basements often have a small but dedicated following of girls with few morals and poor judgement.

Hit her, see if she hits back
When in the circle pit of sweaty men (shirt is optional) make it a point to accidentally strike your belle of choice. If she seems upset by this advance try using an inflammatory catch phrase such as "No clit in the pit". If this does incite her to strike you then she is not truly a riotgrrl and thus she should ignored. If begins to pummel you prepare to meet the girl of your dreams.

Show your plumage
Try and drop the names of as many obscure punk and hardcore bands as you can. Phrases such as "Pre-Rollins Black Flag is the only thing gets me harder than the Inhumans" or "Pffft, the Misfits stopped being relevant when Glenn got off the keyboard." are both acceptable statements.

Liquid Courage
Take her to a party and get her drunk. I mean really drunk.* Then tell her stories about all your scars, whether they are true or not is irrelevant.
*The young miss may be xXx, or straight edge, if this is the case go to the same party but make fun of all the drunk people and comment on how they are "poisoning" themselves.

Vomit
Vomit is like fine wine upon the Punk Rock Chicks lips. All but the most anal Straight Edge will swoon and grow weak at the knees at the slightest whiff. Nothing else will quite spell out how much you like to party quite like tossing cookies down her shirt. If you puke on her and she runs it was never meant to be... if she starts pressing you against a wall and grinding then Bingo! You have an authentic Punk Rock Girl! Be sure to get tested for crabs within the next week.

Scars
Straight edge or Iggy Pop-style all Punk Girls dig fucked up scars as much as decent tatts. Show how bad ass you are by flaunting that 8 inch scar on you abdomen or the remnants of the 12 stitches on your hand from a knife. You don't have to tell it that they came from an appendectomy or when you slipped and fell while making a sandwich while drunk at 2 a.m. YOU'RE HARD-CORE!

I Fought the Law and... I WON!
Ahhh Jello. Love that song. Like all social-cliques you are too cool for the conventions of mankind. YOU LIVE BY YOUR OWN RULES! Prepare a list of stories that are examples of how you took it to the man and told him to stick it up his plump bottom. Don't take it as far as murder but most other crimes are A-OK. If you do not have amusing anecdotes of criminal behaviour then fear not: be silent and brooding. Maybe even throw in a wicked, knowing smile and quietly chuckle. They will assume your crimes are legendary as well as it reinforces the “don’t trust anybody/loner rebel” image. That’s almost instant guaranteed copulation right there! If you are actually the “don’t trust anyone/loner rebel” type who has committed various serious crimes then victory is already assuredly yours.

No Poetry
All Punk Girls know well the rote of “poetry is for emo fags” and thus you should never admit you can handle the concept or even the definitions of rhyme or iambic pentameter until you are ready to ditch them. Punk Girls are notoriously hard to divest yourself of so be sure to use that card only when it is time. Drugs, disease, infidelity and even moving halfway across the world are not valid ways to break it off. They will stalk you until death. Poetry? It’s like their kryptonite. After they leave you can tell all your friends how you copied it from on-line somewhere and how the stupid bitch believed it thereby granting you extra points for your next lay.

Bonus: How to pick up Metal Chicks
It’s insanely easy really as they are, by their very nature, neither bright nor picky.

Be in a Band
Don’t know how to play? That’s okay as crappy garage bands are a dime a dozen and it’s easy to find a few guy to mooch a few chords off of. If you never play a real gig then it can emphasize how the world isn’t truly ready for your brilliance. Actual shows can lend you many a rat for the side one-night enjoyments and since the metal chick is a little bit of a thickie- she will be none the wiser. Most metal bands have mediocre to poor bassists so this is the instrument of choice for your slacker wannabe who just wants to get laid. DO NOT take drums as that is a pain in the ass for a variety of reasons we will not go into here.

Influences
Name dropping Metallica (even classic) won’t even work on the most inbred Welsh or sheep-shagging Scot (maybe on someone from Finland or East Croydon). Everybody knows Children of BODOM due to Alexi Laiho and his dreamy, dreamy eyes so that will not do. Motörhead? Name drop Motörhead for retro badassery. Mention Emperor for the blackest of the black cred or Amon Amarth for the Bonus points if you talk about how Dimmu Borgir sold out and you want to break their fucking faces.

Be poor
All proper metal musicians must starve until they make it. The only other absolute is that you must mooch. Mooching is as essential to dating metal chicks as breathing. If you have a decent day-job then this is no good. Instead say you work in some warehouse or factory. They cannot visit you on the job (hence why coffee shop and diners are bad choices) and lifting shit is metal. You will make a pittance so there is a bonus that she will easily expect to pay for most of your needs. If she ever gets upset just be sure to mention “you know I love you baby” and wink mischievously. They really do dig that and it is an out for most situations.

Caveat: In order to pull this off you must be good in bed and/or decently hung. If you are not sufficient in either of these categories move straight to Emo/Hipster musician. If you are fine in these areas then congratulations! You will never run out of Metal Chick fodder. Be sure to get tested for Herpes at least every few months.

Profit
At this point you should now be having sex with a young lady that has heavy eye make-up and lots of piercings, congratulations, prepare for her to become desperately attached to you.

An Error Has Occurred!