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Professor Putricide
by Digo on September 28, 2008, 01:45:00 PM
Today we are going to have a scientific examination of the enormous lie being pushed upon our children known as evolution. The "theory" of evolution is little more than an insubstantial collection of flimsy evidence concocted by atheists trying to disprove the existence of God. We know this "theory" is false and can easily prove it to anyone with a shred of common sense.

How can we prove this? Simple. People coexisted with dinosaurs, as demonstrated here in figure 1.

Scientific proof that people coexisted with dinosaurs. (Illustration)
Fig 1: People coexisted with dinosaurs.

The explanation is very simple. Anyone with a shred of small-town common sense can see how human tracks imbedded in a dinosaur's fossilized footprint would demonstrate that they coexisted at the same point in history. And because we know people have only existed 6,000 years on this planet, we know that dinosaurs existed at the same time. (Note: we know humans have only existed 6,000 years because creationist scientists have successfully summed up the total ages of everyone in the bible, going back as far as Abraham.)

Here in figure 2, we demonstrate how this footprint implantation might have occurred.

Figure 2: Computer-generated simulation of how human footprints could end up inside a dinosaur's fossilized footprint.
Fig 2: Computer-generated simulation demonstrating how human footprints ended up in fossilized dinosaur footprints 6,000 years ago.

Anthropologists have also uncovered petroglyphs created by Native Americans that have been found to conclusively represent a Brontosaurus and not a bird, as some so-called "experts" have claimed.

Fig 5. Indians (feather, not dot) walked with dinosaurs.

Fig 5. Indians (feather, not dot) walked with dinosaurs.

Now that we have successfully proven the co-existence of man with dinosaurs, we can segue into something even more important: Your Relationship with Jesus Christ.

First, you have to ask yourself, "How is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ?" A good method for conducting this exercise is by asking yourself, "If I were arrested for being a Christian, what evidence would they have against me?"

Fig. 3: Are you really a Christian?
Fig 3: Is there enough evidence to convict you of being a Christian?

For example, do you feel moved by the Holy spirit while attending church? (You do attend church, don't you? This should be the most crucial piece of evidence in building a case against an alleged Christian!) How do you know if you feel enough movement of the Holy Spirit within you? Through careful analysis, Christian scientists have determined that the "safe" amount of Holiness is 4ml/kg of body weight. See figure 4 for a practical reference of the recommended dosage.

Fig 4: 4ml/kg of Holiness is recommended daily
Fig. 4 Recommended level of Holiness for conviction.
(Note to courts: Additional testing may be required for black suspects, as they may actually be Muslim, even if they have attended church for years.)

Lastly, I would encourage all World of Warcraft guilds who are having difficulty progressing to start praying before raids. As proof of prayer's effectiveness, we wiped on M'uru for over 8 weeks. The night we began praying to Jesus Christ for his love and guidance, we won! That, my friends, is indisputable scientific proof of Christ's power and love.

In His Name,

Digo
 
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